Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconyay4warriorcats: More from yay4warriorcats


Featured in Collections

boxing by stickpge

My Little Pony by rosetheeevee12


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
October 30, 2011
File Size
7.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
6,577
Favourites
39 (who?)
Comments
51
×
Rainbow Factory Alternate Ending

By: Josie

(Note:Read the fanfic before you read this,as I'm picking things up where Auroradawn left off.I do not claim to own the original story or song,I just wanted to make an alternate ending.)


  "You have beautiful eyes." Scootaloo said,as she braced herself for pain.None came.
"Well thank you!" Rainbow Dash uttered the words before she could think.What am I doing?I have to kill her!Then a horrible thought hit Dashie:Maybe I don't...maybe there's something worse than death. She smiled insanely at Scootaloo,who was now looking at her in a rather puzzled way. "Scootaloo,I've changed my mind.You get to be my coworker." the suit ponies surrounding them looked at one another.
"But...I thought you wanted to kill me." Scootaloo didn't know what else to say.There was a small spark of hope inside her that Rainbow Dash had snapped out of it. "
I changed my mind.You get to work whenever I'm in Ponyville.You know,just to cover things while I'm away." She smiled in a sickly sweet manner. Scootaloo suddenly realized that she would much rather die then be responsible for the deaths of countless other ponies. She started to shake her head and back away.
  "No,no I won't...I'd rather you kill me..." two suits stopped her from going any more backwards.
"See,that's just the thing, Scoots.I've noticed that you feel more pain when others die because of you then you would feel if you die.I could put you through any amount of torture,but you'd have death to look forward to.Watching 'innocents' die at your own hooves...well that's what's going to break you." Dashie smiled again,as one of her crazed eyes twitched.Scootaloo realized with horror that  her old friend just wanted her to suffer. She didn't care for Scootaloo anymore.
"I can't do it!Rainbow Dash,please!Kill me however you want,just don't put me in charge!" She started to cry,remembering Orion's death.Aurora's death.All the other ponies who she never knew but also died in that horrible way.Rainbow Dash just smirked with contempt."
Come with me for your uniform." she spat.Scootaloo had no choice but to follow.Dash suited her up and led her to the machine,where the survivors had been piled on the floor once again."Now watch me." she snarled,as she flipped a few switches.The device began to whirl as a young blue filly with a white mane was picked up by the horrible chains.Scootaloo could not bring herself to look as the screams escaped the poor girl.Instead she stared at the various controls."This is the kill button," Rainbow Dash gestured to a small red button."If something goes wrong,like the chains fall into the machine as well for example,you press this.It shuts down the entire thing.But ONLY in dire emergencies.Got that?" Scootaloo nodded.
   "Now.I need to go talk to Dr. Atmosphere about this.You,of course,will not be permitted to leave.We have broken the wings and legs of all survivors,so if you make any valiant attempts it's not like they'll be going anywhere.Plus,we have the guards in here.They're hidden right now,but anyone makes a move and they'll come out." Dash flew towards the exit,and opened the doors."ATMOSPHERE!WE HAVE A CHANGE IN PLANS!" the doors slammed behind her as she disappeared into the crowd of suits.Scootaloo began to cry.
"I'm so sorry,you guys...this was all my fault..."she said,but quietly.Her eyes met a ginger foal who's legs were all in a tangle.He looked back at her sympathetically.
   "This is so much bigger than us all.There was no way we could have overthrown it." he replied.A chorus of agreements came from the others.No guards appeared.
"I'm not killing any of you.Not now,not ever.I'll find a way.I promise." she fought back tears.
"But it'll just get you in trouble." the foal said.Still no guards came.
"So be it," she replied.She flew down to them,fighting the pain in her wings.She was still trying to recover from her fall.Still no guards.She nudged the little foal with her muzzle."Don't give up hope.I want you all to hide as well as possible.Those who can move will help the others.I don't think that there are any guards in here." Two fillies and one foal stood up.
"We can walk.They missed us.We pretended that our legs were already broken." one piped up.
"Okay.We don't have much time!Each of us must take one pony,hide them,and go back for another.Once you're done,hide yourselves and I'll escape.Then,you just wait and hope.Okay?"All nodded.She took the ginger and propped him up on her shoulders.
"Thank you so much," he  whispered.
"Don't you worry,I will make sure help is on the way." she hid him in the corner of the room behind a huge pipe.No guards.Dash had been lying."We have more room over here!" she whinnied.The other three set their foals gently down next to the ginger."Now stay quiet."she whispered gently.They headed back to the other foals.There were only four left. Many of the already-small crowd had been killed.They finished hiding the ones who couldn't move,and then the other three hid themselves.
"Godspeed,Scootaloo.May your wings carry you away from here." the last filly said,before slipping into the darkness of her corner.Scootaloo blinked back tears and dashed out the exit.

--
   Rainbow Dash woke up in a white room,strapped to a table.A professional-looking pony sat on a couch next to the bed.She snarled at him.
"I see you have come to." he said.Dash growled at him.
"Who are you?What do you want?" she snapped.
"Calm down,Rainbow Dash.We all know what you've been through.We're here to help."
"We?" Dash looked around,and noticed Scootaloo and her friends-Pinkie Pie,Rarity,Applejack,Twilght Sparkle,and Fluttershy-were gathered around the bed.They all smiled gently.Rainbow Dash hesitated,then smiled back.

--
   Two months later,all the foals and fillies,who had stayed safely hidden until the *good* pegasi found them,were on the mend.Rainbow Dash had made some progress towards sanity,and Scootaloo was recovering from her traumatic experience.She had flown promptly to Ponyville,and with the help of Fluttershy (and Twilight Sparkle's cloud-wallking ability spells for the others) they enlisted the help of the less prejudiced Cloudsdale members.The Princesses  Luna and Celestia had been horrified to find the truth.They set laws that were strongly against any operation that could have come close to the sinister truth.They had not known anything about the sinister operation,as it had turned out.The last updates they had had was that the magic and artificial Spectra had worked.After freeing the oppressed and re-locating the suits and guards, everything was better.Spectra was now being made from the brilliant blooms of marigolds,roses,irises,and other flowers,grown in some newly-built greenhouses.The dark clouds were demolished.A new engineer modified the old death machine,so that it was built to smash plants.Not ponies.But as much as everything had improved,no survivor was ever going to forget the Rainbow Factory.
Here's an alternate ending.I read the story and I wanted to lighten things up.I do not own the original or the song,or My Little Pony!The only thing I take credit for is writing this.
Still gotta read the original?Here's a link to it on googledocs:
[link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconspeedyblupi:
Speedyblupi Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014
Yeeah. This is badly written and makes no sense.
Reply
:icondarkamy1:
DARKAMY1 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
Hey their my friend, how's my request coming on?
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Rather, I will maybe read the story again and definitely start crafting.Soon.Now.Hang in there!
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I haven't even worked on it yet *facepalm* I will go read the story now though, and I'll stew over it for a couple of hours/days/weeks and get writing!
Reply
:icondarkamy1:
DARKAMY1 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014
ALL RIGHT MY FRIEND, what a ending!!! a give you 5 starsFavorites Icon 3D Favorites Icon 3D Favorites Icon 3D Favorites Icon 3D Favorites Icon 3D 

I would like to make a request.

I would like you to write me a sequel to the original fic in which rainbow dash friends finds out the truth about the rainbow factory and dashies vile acts and are so shocked and enraged by it that they gather a crowd of the victims families and ponies all around equestria to march on and destroy the rainbow factory and take revenge on rainbow dash and the workers for their crimes.


All that as a gift for my sweet 16 birthday.


So PRETTY pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase with a plate of tasty treats on top.



Super Fantastic Golden Platter Cake 3D Free Avatar - CupTardCake birthday cake Eating Collection.6 Food Emoji-03 (Mini Cake) Food Emoji-02 (Short Cake) Cake :cakela: keeki Birthday cake Icon Free Cake cupcake Pixel Cake Slice of Red Velvet Cake Emote vanilla cake mmm... tard-cream Choco-Drink - FREE ICON Ice Cream Food Emoji-01 (Ice Cream) [V1] A wintery wonderland, 4 a tard Chocolate Banana Sundae Strawberry Icecream Icon Ice Cream Heladitoos... LOLLIPOP' La Candy Cane Plz candy My candy entry PLZ Wicket No 04 Icon Free Candy Bar .
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, thanks! And sorry Im replying so late!
I'm a little busy right now, but when I can I'll do that and I'll let you know :)
Reply
:icondarkamy1:
DARKAMY1 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014
REALLY, you'll do it!!!
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How could I pass up on a great idea like that?lol of course I will!
Reply
:icondeadspacee:
deadspacee Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
I WANTED DEATH D:<

lol jk it was a good read. cuz i just read cupcakes and the gory RB original....i needed some happy thing to happen.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol I'm sorry it wasn't even happier.Ugh...cupcakes *shudders* I couldn't look at Pinkie the same again for a week straight.
Reply
:icondeadspacee:
deadspacee Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
lol ikr. well keep up the good work :)
oh btw how do i publish journal entries for everyone to see cuz im new and i dont know squar about publishing in DA
:( and how do i add that little extra note at the bottom of the published entry.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you.The journal entries should be part of the drop-down list when you scroll over "submit".As for the extra note,it should be a menu that you can either maximize or minimize at the bottom of the journal entry.And the publish entry button is what publishes it :)
Reply
:iconjojo7262:
jojo7262 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
differnt, i might make a spoof of my own alternative ending
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'd love to read it!
Reply
:iconsaviorcat025:
Saviorcat025 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh cmon ! Way better if Scotaloo keeps all hes life working in the Factory
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sounds interesting.And dark.And mysterious.And somehow,it reminds me of Slenderman.Oh....snap...

Well,I didn't need to sleep tonight anyways.
Reply
:iconsaviorcat025:
Saviorcat025 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh :O LOL i think tomorrow im gonna make my own RF Alternate Ending, thanks for reply :) XD
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problemo!I'd love to read it but I've been pretty busy with school lately.Maybe the weekend...hmmm
Reply
:iconsaviorcat025:
Saviorcat025 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok but... one problem... im going to write the alternate ending in Spanish, sorry :(
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No prob,I'm taking Spanish II this year but I'm pretty far ahead of the class. ;)
Reply
:iconedgeworldartist5:
EdgeWorldArtist5 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
seeing this made me so happy reading rainbow factory in the past the trailing ending left me curious so now that this was made by you that has ended my curiousity
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!I think it was the same for me...I'm glad to hear that you enjoy my writing!
Reply
:iconjubba76:
jubba76 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I hate happy endings.
peelz!!
I hate louis!
(noscope)
Reply
:iconfluffytuli:
FluffyTuli Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for this. Even tho I know youre not the original author, the story without this has really crushed me for a while. Your ending has really helped me :D thanks mate
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!I love grimdark so I'll probably be making happy endings to some of the worst MLP:FIM fanfics...I just gotta get through school then in the summer I'll be free to write them!
Reply
:icondragoon694:
Dragoon694 Featured By Owner May 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Alrighty, time for some corrections!
Firstly: Whenever you put a punctuation there's always supposed to be a space afterwards.
Secondly: I feel that most of the text could have been in more paragraphs, it was hard for me to follow the text cause I'm dumb and stuff but yeah.
Third: The punctuation could be in better places since some times they feel out of place.

Never the less, it was good to see a happy ending to this fic. Although I'm a fan of it and I prefer the original ending and all that, this still left me feeling satisfied. What did leave me confused is the part when RD left and there were no guards around, there were bound to be a few guards around rather than all of them just disappearing like that but I could care less at the moment.
It was interesting, but I was hoping for more... Hype. Rather than it just ending like that I was hoping for a guard to pop in and somehow everything turns out fine but I digress.

I'm not one to "criticize" since I have no real experience in making a story. I've made a few but I still feel that they are not good enough to be shown on any sites.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!I always get annoyed by the space afterwards thing,so I probably (sorry) won't remember that advice,but I totally agree with you on the rest of the critique!Thank you so much!

I know it was a little of a "too good to be true" situation,but I wrote this in such a hurry...I had it done in 2 hours,in parts, because my mom doesn't want me on the computer more than 20 minutes a day.

And I'm sure your stories are good-send me a note or reply if you decide to upload one or two,because I'd be delighted to read them!
Reply
:icondragoon694:
Dragoon694 Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hahaha, I will when I feel it's good xD
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok cool!
Reply
:icon11marioboots:
11marioboots Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2012
I love it! But there also is a unofficail ending that Arora made
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
neat!I don't think it was out yet when I made this but I'll search for it next time I have time.
Reply
:iconi-wesley125:
I-wesley125 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012
Kinda ruined the grimdark part...
I couldn't be more happy about it, i hate grimdark.
Reply
:iconnatgoesrawr3:
NatGoesRawr3 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012
Wow. When I finished reading this I was like "amazing" you my good sir did a great job at the ending!
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!I'm a girl,by the way,but thank you! :D
:iconfluttershysmileplz:
Reply
:iconnatgoesrawr3:
NatGoesRawr3 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012
ik, i call everyone sir :P
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's epic.
Reply
:iconnatgoesrawr3:
NatGoesRawr3 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012
lol :'D
Reply
:iconodahilys:
odahilys Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2012
This is exactly what i needed. Too much horror for that story, i can't believe someone would write it without a happy ending. After all, MLP is a happy place.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heck yeah it is!I loved the story though.I really was tempted to cry when Apollo (did I get the name right?The brony pegasus?) was killed so brutally.And I never really liked Rainbow Dash but, quite unbelievably, I sort of warmed up to her after reading it because I felt bad for her.
Reply
:iconodahilys:
odahilys Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
i read the first like paragraph and said holy crap this is soo sad so i put it away. but my temptation was like go back and finish it, i couldn't help to find out what happened, so i did. i was like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF D:::: but then the alternate story said :DDDDDDDDDDD ITS ALL OKAY i was like yay~

thanks warriorcat :D
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No prob my friend.If you have any other happy-ending-izer ideas for horrible fanfics then just let me know and I'll whip a little something up.
Reply
:iconfref:
Fref Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2011
I prefered the origanal one.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was actually written because people kept asking for something to make them feel better about the horrors they'd witnessed,and it's a continuation...not my own version of it.
Reply
:iconlianahart:
LianaHart Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2011
Honestly, I feel this ending is more acurate. I can't imagine a group of ponies getting away with genocide for very long, or chivalrous Rainbow Dash going along with it. My Little Fascists are going DOWN because we are going to LOVE and TOLERATE the shit out of them!
Reply
:iconfirstpersonwinner:
FirstPersonWinner Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Um, so let's look back: Germany, 1940s. Where many a German native thought the Jews were actually just being exiled somewhere. And the SS would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling Allies.

For the story there are a few problems canon wise.
1- Scootaloo was the last survivor
2- Ponies were explained to be the only things that could easily be removed from their Spectra, so plants wouldn't work
3- How did Scootaloo escape when Rainbow Dash already (in your story) stated that no one was going to let her leave (meaning all the armed, not exhausted guards). Also, why didn't they just break Scootaloo's wings in the first place?
4- Rainbow Dash's characterization throughout had presented her as a Psychopath, not a Sadist. Therefore, here idea to suddenly try to torture Scootaloo instead of just kill her seems less prevalent and off character.
5- It doesn't end as well. I know it is happier and whatnot, but 'the police show up an everyone is okay' is a bit less epic than 'the last survivor of a killing spree that caused the gruesome deaths of her last remaining friends; perpetrated by who she once recognized as not just a friend, but a mentor as close as a sister, Scootaloo stares into the face of her executioner (still covered in the blood of the slaughtered children) and coos 'you have beautiful eyes'

Bam! Done! Rounds of applause; cheers abound; roses get thrown on stage. End story. Go get ice cream with the kids.

Jesus still loves your face (and the rest of you), but not every story needs to be happy mic-sunshine. Dichotomies are necessary for the emphasis of both sides. If it wasn't for that nothing would have weight to it. That's why my iPod is stacked with Christian Death Metal and Pinkie Pie Songs, and both Se7en and the Lion King are wonderful movies. Got to have both sides to really experience either.
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I appreciate your comment.I apologize for the canon issues...but let's just let the people aching for a happy ending have their fun.Lots of people wanted a happy ending and so there we go,but I do agree that the original was written well and not every story can end happily.I've never seen Se7en but judging by the awesomeness in the happy ending of the Lion King(one of my faves btw) I can see where the story goes anyway.
Thanks for your critique!
Reply
:iconrememberthatonetime:
RememberThatOneTime Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2011
Beautiful!
Reply
:iconxxnoramariexx:
xXNoraMarieXx Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Where's the actual fanfic?
Reply
:iconyay4warriorcats:
yay4warriorcats Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It's on Google Docs.I'll post a link in the description after homework :)
Reply
:icondoodleman-13:
Doodleman-13 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2011
aawwww!

how cute!

anyhow, good job in this one!

im actually doing something equally to yours, but with more accion and fighting topped with a little bit of grimdark

:3
Reply
Add a Comment: